Fav Sayings

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free.

Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

5/4 people have trouble with fractions

"Always remember, there are only a few things a big explosion cannot solve."

"Life is like a roll of toliet paper, when it reaches the end, YOU PANIC!"

"Everyone's depressed in their own little way."

"I'm smarter than your average idiot."

"A messy room is a happy room. :D"

"A friend will come visit you in jail
A good friend will bail you out of jail
A best friend would be sitting there next to you saying 'DAMN THAT WAS FUN!' "

"One would think you'd learn by now. When do I ever do anything rational?"

"I think my phone's in the washing machine!!" (Two minutes later) "Oh god! My phone was in the washing machine!!"

"Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.' "

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch."

"A good friend will care for you when you hurt, a best friend will be sitting next to you laughing their asses off at you."

"Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads."

"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."

"Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish."

"Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape."

"A friend wonders about your romantic history A best friend could blackmail you with it."